I thought I'd try something different for this post and re-post a blog from about 2 years ago, the last time I was a single lady. Sometimes I miss my single days and then I remember that there are guys out there like this one:
Sunday, April 02, 2006
"This Is Why I'm Single"
Friday night Monika, Danielle and I decided to stay in Burlingame. It was nice not to have to go very far, we could walk back home, blah, blah, blah. It was great, we saw a bunch of people from high school, got caught up, had a few beers. Lovely.
Then, I bumped into some dude who works in my building. You all know I'm friendly--I'll talk to anyone. Then he offered to buy me a drink, and I'm not one to turn down free booze, either, so I said, " Sure!"
Drink turned out to be a shot with him and his friend and Monika. Then my new buddy says, "Hey, I'm going to cross a professional boundary with you." Naturally, I took a step or two back because I don't really want to know where this is going.
Sleaze Ball pulls down his lower lip to show me the tattoo that is INSIDE HIS MOUTH! Guess what it says? "Sit Here"
I started laughing and called him a fucking dirt bag. May I remind him that I'm his property manager and I don't want to see that shit. And besides, I'm just not interested.
Now, to all you men with no game out there: Just because I'm a nice girl and will converse with you does not mean I want to see your nasty tattoo, nor partake in what it suggests. Especially not with you. Besides, if you have to tattoo it into your mouth, maybe you aren't that good at it.
Do you know what this guy told me a month ago? He came into my office to tell me about the stitches on his face--the result of a fight that he got in where some guy hit him with a TOILET SEAT!
HELLO!! Why the hell would I be interested in you?!
What I've learned from this is that I probably shouldn't be so nice to people I'm not interested in. I need to take some pointers from my girlfriends and learn to do that stone-faced, I don't want to talk to you expression.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Kitchenally-Challenged.
Have you met Sponge-Char Burned-Pants? I have. Last Wednesday. He lives in the microwave.
Mr. Pants made his appearance when I was sanitizing my dish sponge in the microwave (1 min on high=sanitary sponge). As usual, I popped the sponge into the microwave while I made my lunch for the next day. It is a lovely routine. I end up with a clean sponge to do my dishes and a tuna sandwich.
After my sandwich was done, I was puttering around, putting other groceries away, pre-treating my laundry, and thinking about crawling into bed with my new book (the only thing I'm crawling into bed with lately), when all of a sudden I smelled something burning.
I thought, "Oh my god! The sponge!"
I ran back upstairs to get the sponge out of the microwave. I arrived just in time to see my sponge burst into flames. I hit the cancel button and stepped back. The flames went out, but there was smoke everywhere!
I thought about opening the microwave to throw the sponge in the sink, but I was afraid of backdraft-like consequences in which I would open the door and the smoldering sponge would burst back into flames, thus scarring me for life! So I did what every wary kitchen-fire victim would do. I grabbed the broom.
Broom in hand, I was getting ready to open the microwave door from afar, when the doorbell rang. I opened the door, and my nice neighbor, Lisa, was standing there asking if I was okay! Awwwwww! She had smelled the smoke in the hallway and wanted to make sure everyone was okay inside. Oddly, our smoke detector didn't go off during this whole smoky fiasco. Never mind that it gets set off practically every time someone fries an egg (like every day).
With everything explained to Lisa, I headed back inside, broom still in hand, ready to open the microwave. I poked the button to open the door and nothing happened. No backdraft. It was very anti-climatic.
The good news is, the microwave still works. The bad news is that I spent an hour scraping Sponge-Char Burned-Pants and smoke residue off every surface in the microwave.
I re-heated some leftovers in the microwave tonight, and the ghost of Mr. Pants came out to visit. Nothing like the smell of charred cellulose!
Moral: When sanitizing your kitchen sponge, make sure the microwave is set for 1 minute. Not 10. Cellulose ignites at roughly 9 mins 24 seconds.
Mr. Pants made his appearance when I was sanitizing my dish sponge in the microwave (1 min on high=sanitary sponge). As usual, I popped the sponge into the microwave while I made my lunch for the next day. It is a lovely routine. I end up with a clean sponge to do my dishes and a tuna sandwich.
After my sandwich was done, I was puttering around, putting other groceries away, pre-treating my laundry, and thinking about crawling into bed with my new book (the only thing I'm crawling into bed with lately), when all of a sudden I smelled something burning.
I thought, "Oh my god! The sponge!"
I ran back upstairs to get the sponge out of the microwave. I arrived just in time to see my sponge burst into flames. I hit the cancel button and stepped back. The flames went out, but there was smoke everywhere!
I thought about opening the microwave to throw the sponge in the sink, but I was afraid of backdraft-like consequences in which I would open the door and the smoldering sponge would burst back into flames, thus scarring me for life! So I did what every wary kitchen-fire victim would do. I grabbed the broom.
Broom in hand, I was getting ready to open the microwave door from afar, when the doorbell rang. I opened the door, and my nice neighbor, Lisa, was standing there asking if I was okay! Awwwwww! She had smelled the smoke in the hallway and wanted to make sure everyone was okay inside. Oddly, our smoke detector didn't go off during this whole smoky fiasco. Never mind that it gets set off practically every time someone fries an egg (like every day).
With everything explained to Lisa, I headed back inside, broom still in hand, ready to open the microwave. I poked the button to open the door and nothing happened. No backdraft. It was very anti-climatic.
The good news is, the microwave still works. The bad news is that I spent an hour scraping Sponge-Char Burned-Pants and smoke residue off every surface in the microwave.
I re-heated some leftovers in the microwave tonight, and the ghost of Mr. Pants came out to visit. Nothing like the smell of charred cellulose!
Moral: When sanitizing your kitchen sponge, make sure the microwave is set for 1 minute. Not 10. Cellulose ignites at roughly 9 mins 24 seconds.
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